Daddy?
by Briar Elwood
Summary: Tag to 200. Is General O'Neill REALLY Cam's daddy? Cam's on a mission to find that out...and learns Vala is NEVER EVER to be trusted. Complete humor, a little DV if you squint, but mostly on the V side.
1. Chapter 1

"Sam?" Cameron called, running to catch up to her. Sam turned and held open the elevator door for him. He hopped in and she let it go, pushing in what level she wanted.

"Yeah?: she asked, looking at the computer she was holding.

"Um…earlier when you and Daniel were talking about that file…" Cameron started uneasily. Sam looked up.

"You were joking, weren't you?" he finished.

Sam smiled, shaking her head. "There really is another file, Cam, you can ask Landry," she assured him, turning back to her computer.

"Yeah, but General O'Neill isn't my daddy, is he?" Cameron persisted.

"Did you ever know your dad, Colonel?" Sam asked, looking up again. Cameron frowned.

"Yeah, he's still alive, we're best buds," he replied. The door opened and Sam walked out, saying,

"You have your answer then."

Cameron tried to follow her, but the door was already closing so he just yelled,

"But is he my real dad?"

XxXxX

"Vala, you're not sworn to secrecy," Cameron pointed out later that day. Vala only sat on top of his desk.

"What's in it for me?"

Cameron sighed exasperatedly. "Vala…" he pleaded. She only stared at him. So he sighed and motioned for her to come closer. She did and he whispered something in her ear. As he did so, a grin grew on Vala's face. He pulled away and looked at her desperately.

"Good enough?" he asked. She grinned evilly.

"You're a bad boy, you know that, Cam?" she said in way of reply. He sighed and closed his eyes.

"Just tell me about the file," he said.

"Well," Vala said, straightening up, "I never actually found out what the file was…"

"What?" Cameron interrupted. "I'm not gonna—"

"Uh-uh-uh!" Vala reprimanded, shaking her finger. "You promised. And I have a hypothesis."

Cameron growled. "Hypothesis?" he repeated. "That's a pretty big word for you."

"Well, you know, hanging around a guy with the title 'doctor' will expand your vocabulary," Vala explained, not letting the comment get to her. "Anyway. If you ask my opinion, I think O'Neill is your daddy."

With a pathetic look on his face, Cameron sank in a chair.

"Why?" he mumbled.

"Well," Vala started enthusiastically, "he does kinda look like you. And he does seem a little too interested in you and your career than a simple bystander. I mean, a party for your 200th time through the 'gate? And I don't think Colonel Carter and Daniel could keep that straight of faces if they were joking."

"Yeah…if they were pulling my leg they probably woulda cracked by now," Cameron muttered mournfully, dropping his head in his hands. Vala looked at him strangely for a moment, trying to translate what he had just said but soon chose to ignore it.

"One more thing," she said. "They went to 1969 and it was nine months before you were born? A little convenient, don't you think?"

"Colonel Mitchell," came a voice from the doorway. Vala looked up and hid a surprised smiled. Cameron turned around, standing up.

"Yeah…? Oh no…"

Jack O'Neill frowned at him. "Something wrong, Colonel?"

Cameron, who had been banging his head on a file cabinet, stopped instantly and shook his head, causing him to wince in pain.

"No, nothing's wrong, sir. Nothing at all," Cameron assured him, trying to hide the sarcasm. Jack frowned, obviously not convinced but decided not to push him. After all, the colonel was his son.

"All right. Just wanted to congratulate you again on your 200th," he said.

"Thanks," Cameron muttered. Jack nodded, satisfied, and walked away. Once gone, Cameron collapsed in the chair again. Smiling warmly, Vala spun it around so she could look at him.

"Now about what you owe me…"

_A/N: I love reviewers and live for constructive criticism!_


	2. Chapter 2

"Knock knock."

Daniel looked up from his computer to see Cameron standing in his doorway.

"Hey," he said, turning back to his work.

"Hey," Cameron agreed, walking in. He stood awkwardly at Daniel's side for a second.

"Whacha doing?" he asked after a moment. Daniel sighed and looked up at the colonel, frowning.

"You want something? By some miracle, Vala's not bothering me today so you have to take her place?"

Knowing perfectly well why Vala wasn't bothering Daniel, Cameron winced.

"Um."

Daniel raised an eyebrow, then narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"What?"

Deciding he could get to the point later, Cameron asked a different question. Yes, Vala had already convinced him but the colonel still wanted to make sure.

"Earlier…when you and Sam were talking about the other file…"

Daniel rolled his eyes. "Sam told me you were bugging her about that," he informed Cameron, turning once again back to his computer. "If you really want to figure it out, talk to General Landry…or Jack himself. I'm sworn to secrecy."

Cameron knocked his head softly on the wall. "Jackson…why can't you tell me a simple 'yes, O'Neill's my dad' or 'no, O'Neill's not my dad?'"

"Because I'm sworn to secrecy," Daniel repeated, not looking up. Cameron flung a hand towards him.

"That's like saying it's true, you know!"

Daniel looked up at him, smiling. "Then you have your answer,"

Cameron froze and blinked at the archeologist blankly for a second before yelling in frustration.

"I don't get it! Sam says one thing, you and Vala say another…"

Suddenly Daniel looked quite interested and turned away from his work.

"You talked to Vala?"

Cameron stopped muttering abruptly and glared at Daniel.

"Yes."

Daniel smiled. "You know we never actually told her?"

Cameron, still glaring, mumbled a positive response. Daniel's smile grew wide.

"Lemme guess. You promised her something particularly bad before you found that out, because otherwise her lips were sealed, and now she's making you keep your word."

There was another positive grumble. Daniel grinned, leaning back, his arms folded across his chest. Someone other than him had finally fallen into Vala's trap!

"What'd you promise?"

Cameron muttered something even Daniel couldn't translate. Having fun with himself, Daniel cupped a hand to his ear.

"Sorry, I couldn't make that out."

"Hello Danny, I'm bored," declared a familiar voice sauntering into the room. Vala jumped onto the desk and grinned at Cameron.

"Oh, hello Colonel!"

Cameron turned his rigid death glare to her and stormed out the room. Daniel, laughing, shook his head at Vala.

"You really shouldn't do that to him, Vala," he scolded good-naturedly. Vala's grin vanished into an innocent, wide-eyed look.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

_A/N: I love reviewers and live for constructive criticism!_


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey big T," Cam said, entering the Jaffa's quarters and flopping to the floor. Teal'c opened his eyes to look at the colonel questioningly. Cam looked up to him, a feeling of annoyance emitting from his expression. He sighed.

"You ever been to the planet, uh…Ingenuus?"

Teal'c's eyebrows shot up in uncharacteristic shock. "I have not."

Cam swallowed at the look on the Jaffa's face. "But you've heard of it?"

Teal'c nodded shortly. "Indeed."

"Well…" Cam said awkwardly. "What can you tell me about it?"

Teal'c paused a moment before answering. "The natives…have a strong belief in all things _natural_."

Cam's brow furrowed in concern. "Meaning…?"

"As General O'Neill would put it, they believe clothing to be…over-rated."

Cameron stared at the alien sitting in front of him, wide-eyed. "Oh no…"

"Where did you hear of this planet, Colonel?" Teal'c asked.

"Vala," Cam muttered. Teal'c smiled, seeing the connection.

"What happened?"

"I promised to do a favor for her…later she told me she wanted me to convince Jackson to go with her to this planet…Ingenuus," Cam explained, hitting the back of his head against the wall.

"Why did you promise her a favor, Colonel?" Teal'c asked, looking slightly amused. "We all know Vala Mal Doran would come up with something…"

"She wouldn't tell me what she knew about that top secret file unless I did something for her," Cam replied. "It was only afterwards that I found out she didn't actually knew anything. Of course, I tried to back out but you know Vala…"

Teal'c nodded, the smile on his face growing a smidgen. "Indeed."

Cam opened his eyes and looked up at the Jaffa. "Will _you_ tell me whether O'Neill's my daddy or not?"

Teal'c's smile grew and he shook his head. "I cannot. Like Colonel Carter and Dr. Jackson, I am sworn to secrecy."

"I think I have the right to know for certain who my birth father is!" Cam argued. Teal'c nodded.

"Indeed."

Cam flung his hand out at him. "Exactly! Then why won't anyone tell me!"

Teal'c smiled, bowing his head slightly. "Because we are sworn to secrecy, Colonel. I would suggest asking General Landry or General O'Neill himself."

Cam leaned back irritably. "That's what Jackson said."

"Then why do you not do so?" Teal'c asked.

Cameron stayed silent for a moment, thinking things through. Then he made eye contact with the Jaffa.

"Does Jackson know Ingenuus by that name?"

Teal'c frowned. "I do not know."

Cam nodded, standing up. "Thanks, T."

Teal'c watched the colonel, frowning. "What do you plan to do?"

Cam glanced at the large man sitting on the floor. "Figure out what that file's about."

XxXxX

"Hey, Jackson," Cam said, walking into the linguist's office. Daniel looked up from his computer and grinned at him.

"Hey."

Cam smiled, a slightly awkward smile…but it was more confident than the colonel had been last time Daniel had seen him.

"You convinced Vala, somehow, not to make you do whatever you promised?" he asked. Cam looked surprised for a brief moment before smiling quickly and shaking his head.

"No but…have you seen her lately?'

Daniel shook his head. "Not since she left my office. And she didn't say where she was going."

Cam nodded, looking concerned. Daniel frowned.

"Why?" he asked. Cam looked at the archeologist, a twisted expression on his face.

"Well…she said something about some planet earlier…I think she was…planning to go there or something," he explained, quite awkwardly. Daniel's concerned level shot up and he stood.

"What planet?"

Cam shrugged. "Something like Ingenuus or something."

Daniel frowned. "That's Latin. _Natural_."

One of Cam's eyebrows raised a tad, two circuits connecting in his mind. Daniel shook his head.

"I've never heard of that planet."

"Yeah, and one of our Jumpers are missing," Cam added, feeling considerably more confident.

"Ah…" Daniel groaned. "I've gotta go after her." He looked up to the colonel. "Come with me?"

"Love too," Cameron lied, "but I've got things to do here."

Daniel nodded. "Thanks for telling me."

Cam nodded and turned to leave. "Anytime," he said, walking away quickly. Next stop: General Landry's office.

_A/N: I love reviewers and live for constructive criticism!_


	4. Chapter 4

"Sir?"

General Hank Landry looked up to see Cameron standing in his doorway, looking slightly out of place.

"Yes Colonel?" the general asked, gesturing for him to come in.

"Ah, sir? I was wondering…Jackson and Sam have mentioned this…top secret file that has to do with me and 1969…"

"Ahahah, no," Landry interrupted, putting his hands up. "I'm not at liberty to tell you what that's about."

Cam sighed. "I kinda figured that, sir. It's just…they made it seem like General O'Neill's my father. I was wondering if you…"

"Could shed some light on that?" Landry finished for him. He shook his head. "No. I can't, Colonel. Sorry to disappoint."

Cam sighed again, running a hand through his hair. Landry smiled amusedly at him.

"Why don't you talk to Jack about it?" he suggested. Cam's shoulders slumped.

"That's what everyone's been saying!"

Landry shrugged. "Then why don't you take their advice?"

"Because…! Well…don't you realize how mortifying that would be if I was wrong?" Cam argued desperately. Landry tried hard to keep from laughing.

"And if you're right?" he prodded.

"That'd be mortifying too!" Cameron protested. "Finding out that this guy, who I didn't even know existed while I grew up, is my _dad_?"

Landry couldn't help it. He laughed. "Then don't ask," he concluded matter-of-factly. "And don't find out."

Cameron pouted like a child for a brief moment before turning on his heel and stalking out the door.

XxXxX

Daniel stopped dead in his tracks. What he saw before him was the most…appalling sight the weathered linguist had ever seen. And what made it worse was the fact that he _knew_ Vala had leaded him here, specifically, on purpose.

One of the uniquely dressed natives crept towards Daniel timidly, taking in Daniel's clothes critically. The woman spat in disgust at Daniel's feet and tugged hard on his shirt. He batted her hand away hurriedly and his gaze swept the area around him desperately. Where was Vala?

"Danny-boy!"

Oh. There she was.

Dressed in the native way, Vala bounced up to him, her famous smile broadening on her face.

"I'm so glad you could make it!"

Daniel made a point of staring Vala hard in the eyes, rather than anywhere else, and took a hold of her arm.

"We're going home," he said through gritted teeth, turning around. He should've noticed Vala's grin didn't waver at his announcement…

Dragging the ex-thief behind him, Daniel stormed to the DHD, keeping his eyes fixed on the ancient device. When he and Vala arrived, he left go of his hold on her and turned to dial home.

Suddenly there was a small 'pop'. Smoke filled Daniel's vision and after it cleared, he blinked furiously to see what had happened and groaned in distress.

_Somehow_ the DHD had exploded.

_A/N: I love reviewers and live for constructive criticism!_


	5. Chapter 5

With a heavy sigh, wondering how he had managed to get here, Cameron Mitchell paused outside the large building more than halfway across the continent from where he was used to. Washington, D. C. He had finally decided to just ask General O'Neill himself and, well. If it went sour, he'd run for it like a coward. _So I can face aliens trying to take over the universe but I can't face my own boss?_ he mused wryly. Groaning, Cam forced himself forward. After asking the good-looking secretary directions, he made his way upstairs to Jack O'Neill's office.

"Colonel!" Jack cried, jumping out his chair, running to the door and flinging it open for Cam. "Hurry, hurry, come in!"

Cam frowned, bewildered, but did as bid. "What's wrong, sir?"

"Nothing, nothing at all!" Jack declared. "Just happened to completely bored out of my wits at the moment. Hate my job."

"Then why do you do it?" Cam asked, happy not to have to get into the reason he was here quite yet. Jack growled at his question.

"Cause I have to."

"You don't, really," Cam pointed out. "You could retire."

Jack eyed the colonel playfully. "Are you saying I'm old, Colonel?"

Cam winced. "Well—uh, sir—"

Jack laughed. "Don't worry about it! I _am_ old. Fifties. Old enough to be your father, Mitchell."

A large lump formed in Cam's throat. He decided not to reply. Jack sat down and gestured for the colonel to do the same. Leaning backwards precariously, Jack got down to the point.

"So, what are you doing in D. C., Mitchell?"

"Uh…I'm here to see you, General."

Jack tipped forward slightly, eyebrows raised. "What's up? Ori aren't about to attack Earth, are they?"

"Um. If they were, it probably wouldn't be me here and the Asgard would've beamed whoever it was here rather than they taking a plane," Cam replied awkwardly.

"True," Jack admitted. "So what's Hank want?"

It took Cam a moment to realize he meant General Landry. "I'm here on my own free time, sir."

Jack sat forward, frowning. "Why?"

"Uh…" _Here goes nothing._ "Well, sir, you see. Sam and Jackson, well, Teal'c too, had mentioned a, ah, top-secret file that had something to do with the time ya'll went back to 1969…"

Jack's eyes widened. Cam winced.

"I don't know, they could've been pulling my leg, but it's been bugging me, sir."

"Did they say anything about what was in this top-secret file?" Jack asked solemnly.

"Well…kinda, sir."

"And…?" the general prodded.

"Well, sir…they made it seem like, uh…" Oh, this was hard. "Like you were my father, sir." Suddenly Cam burst into a rant. "Which doesn't really make sense because I _know_ my father, but, I don't know, maybe he's not really my dad, but Jackson and Teal'c and Vala and Landry all make it seem like it is, of course, how would Vala know, but Jackson, Teal'c and Landry? Sam, on the other hand, she's the only one who points it toward it all being a joke, but that's only one person and…well, I don't know, sir! If you're not, I'm sorry, I'm really embarrassed about asking you anyway, but if you _are_…I don't know, that might be even _more_ embarrassing!"

Jack watched Cam's speech with an amused glint in his eye, not really listening, but thinking. _Well, Jack, old boy. He was bound to find out sometime. I guess he does have a right to know who his own daddy is. It's kinda funny, though._ Finally he raised a hand in a gesture for the colonel to stop talking.

"Calm down, Colonel. No need to hyperventilate."

Cam breathed in and out deeply, blushing. "Sorry, sir."

Jack shook his head, straightening up. "I completely understand. It's something Daniel would do."

"What is that, sir?" Cam asked, not sure if he really wanted to know. Jack met Cam's gaze with a large smile.

"Let something slip like that. I'm sure he had fun with it, though."

Cam blinked dumbly. "Are you saying, sir…"

"You can stop calling me 'sir', Cameron," Jack interrupted. "I think 'Dad' suits just fine."

Cameron stared at Jack, open-mouthed, before his eyes rolled up into his head and the colonel fainted.

_A/N: I love reviewers and live for constructive criticism!_


	6. Chapter 6

"You went along with it?"

"Well, yeah! Why not?"

"Cuz he obviously stopped breathing or something! You don't want to kill him, do you?'

"Of course not, Carter! It was extremely amusing, though. You should've been there."

"I'm sure it was a hoot, sit."

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"Of course not, sir."

"I think you are…"

"Are you guys talking about me?" Cameron asked, wincing at the light.

"Not anymore," Jack replied. "Now we're arguing."

"It sounds like you've been arguing the entire time," Cam pointed out. "What happened?"

"You fainted," Sam supplied.

"Passed out," Cam corrected. "Don't destroy my dignity."

"Actually, Colonel, the correct term is 'fainted'," Dr. Carolyn Lam informed him. Instead of arguing with her, Cam asked another question.

"Why?"

"I'm guessing because of General O'Neill's little revelation you became 'short of breath'," Dr. Lam said. Cam frowned then…

"Oh! Uh, sir…"

"'Dad' works just fine, Cam," Jack interrupted, grinning.

"Sir…" Sam said in a warning tone.

"Carter!" Landry yelled, jogging into the room. Sam whirled around, alarmed at the general's tone. "Do you have _any_ idea what the planet, Ingenuus, is like?"

Sam frowned. "No, sir, I've never heard of it."

Landry eyed Jack. "You know?"

"I'm on the same page as Carter, Hank," Jack told him. "What's so urgent about it?"

"Dr. Jackson recently left to that planet to retrieve Vala who was bouncing around the galaxy. I happened to mention that to Teal'c who told me a rather _interesting_ fact about the natives," Landry explained, watching Cam wincing horribly. "Immediately I tried to dial the 'gate address Dr, Jackson had used to get there…I tried several times, but it didn't work."

"What was the 'interesting fact', General?" Sam asked, both she and Jack thoroughly concerned.

"Thenaivesthinclothinsoverated," Cam mumbled, sitting up. Everyone turned to look at him.

"What was that?" Jack asked. Cameron sighed.

"The natives…well, they think…they think clothing's over-rated."

The silence was so pressing, Cam could hear the wheels turning in their heads as this information was processed. Suddenly Jack let out a deafening roar of laughter. Sam eyed him, obviously fighting back the urge to join in. Landry simply frowned disapprovingly.

"How do you know that, Colonel?"

"Um…it's kind of my fault. I made a deal with Vala…I wouldn't have agreed to it if I had known at the time what Ingenuus was known for…or if I had known she'd go back on her part," Cam added, annoyed.

"And this deal was?" Landry prodded.

"I'd convince Jackson to go to Ingenuus in return for her telling me what she knew about that top-secret file."

"Oh, so it's _your_ fault?" Jack clarified, trying to catch his breath.

"I already said that," Cam grumbled.

"Congrats, Cameron. That is a step closer to becoming more like your old man," Jack declared, composing himself.

"Sir!" Sam barked in a reprimanding tone.

"Oh, come _on_, Carter!"

"I want you three, yes, you too, Jack, and Teal'c to retrieve Daniel and Vala. Now," Landry ordered.

"Yes sir!" Jack said with a mocking salute.

"Of course sir," Sam replied, frowning at Jack.

"Yessir," Cam mumbled. Landry nodded.

"Then go."

_A/N: __I love reviewers and live for constructive criticism!_


	7. Epilogue

"Sam! Teal'c! Cameron! Jack?" Vala frowned at the last of the four beaming onto the planet but after a moment her eyes widened, the spark of realization gleaming. "Oh…" she said, raising an eyebrow at Cameron, who was looking the opposite direction, his cheeks turning a lovely shade of red. Sam sighed at him, and then turned to Vala.

"Where's Daniel?" she asked.

"Can I tease him mercilessly?" Jack added eagerly. Vala sighed, realizing her fun was over.

"Follow me."

She led them to the edge of a forest and stopped, turning back around to look at them.

"He's behind that tree. He's a filthy coward, did you know that? Has no sense of fun." She pouted. "I'm almost glad you guys got here, I was getting bored. And frustrated."

Jack bit back a girlish giggle and skipped to the tree Vala had indicated. There was Daniel, dressed in the native way and not looking all too happy about it. His eyes were scrunched shut, like he was trying to block out mental images as well, and his knees were brought up to his chin as to cover everything.

"It's my favorite Spacemonkey!" Jack exclaimed with glee. Daniel whimpered.

"Save me…"

Sam laughed and threw Jack the extra BDUs they had brought along. The general frowned at them.

"Do I havta?" he asked her.

"Yes, sir. For at least Teal'c, Cam and I's sakes."

Jack pouted for a moment before dejectedly dropping the clothes onto Daniel's knees. The archeologist grabbed them instantly, his eyes snapping open to inspect them.

"Oh, and Vala," Sam said, throwing her a pair of BDUs as well. "Fun's over."

Vala omitted yet another heavy sigh before throwing on the clothes. Cameron breathed a sigh of relief as he turned his gaze to her and gave the ex-con his best glare. She grinned and skipped to his side.

"So. Was I right?"

XxXxX

"Sorry sir."

"Cameron!"

"Uh…dad."

Daniel frowned as he turned a corner on _The Odyssey_ to see Jack grinning like a maniac as Cameron hurried away. Daniel walked up to him and repeated quietly:

"'Dad'?"

Jack turned to give the linguist his grin. "Yeah! The guy's _finally_ found out."

"Wait—" Daniel interrupted. "He really _is_ your son?"

Jack's grin faded into a frown to mirror Daniel's. "Yes…" he answered slowly, seeming unsure. "That chick's his mother, right? And, I mean—"

Daniel shook his head hurriedly. "That's not what I mean." He paused before explaining. "I thought he was _my_ son."

_A/N: Special thanks to anyone who helped brainstorm._

_Thanks to everyone who has, are and will review and/or read. I love you all!_

_Thanks to Fiara Fantasy for being my beta._

_I love reviewers and live for constructive criticism!_


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